War
War..yea war. I had a talk with some people today and they wanted to know about iraq. I gave the blog adress. They wanted to know what job(s) i did in the military. I told them. They then asked me if i was some war junkie. An adrealine junkie. I sat there..in silence. Then i replied. I am in Special Operations. You wouldnt understand. They looked at me as if i insulted them. I didnt. It is the truth. Unless you have been in special ops and in war, you wont understand. All of the things that i have written on the blog dont even scratch the surface. I am in the military inside a military. I intially tried out for this all volunteer job because i wanted to attract chics( i was 17) but i realized that it was more than that. Some ask if i would go back to iraq. Yeah i would. I would go out..sit behind a .50 cal, call in airstrikes on the ground, miss meals for days, not shower for weeks and yet the average person wouldnt understand. It is more than just serving your country. It is more than chics. I guess thats why we have a 95% divorce rate within our job field. When i was a kid, i always wanted to be in special ops. To sneak in under the cover of darkness undeteced with night vision goggles on with six guys who have a mission to secure an airfield and take out communications within the area. Its six versus 75 men. They are at such a disadvantage. The squad moves, people act, and we leave undeteced and when it is time, shit starts to blow up and the airfield is secure from any threat. Misson complete..well for now. Or to be in a firefight with bullets whizzing by your head as you call in coordiantes to blow up the assholes who are shooting at you. People dont understand. Most people would think it is cold and heartless...blood thirsty, but it isnt. People wouldnt understand. I train for war. That is my primary objective. To complete missions and come home alive. Most people ask how do i run on little sleep. Honestly i cant tell you. The Air Force Pararescue Motto is So that others may live..now we work close with these guys but it is a combat controllers second motto. So others may live... Live to laugh, bitch,gripe,complain...we do it. All of the military does. Ya know alot of people just dont understand what they have until its gone. Wiped out. I have a uncle in Slidell La and he lost everything but the exterior of his house and hes as happy as can be. I like that.
Also people have told me that i should go and talk to the military shrinks if i feel i need to. I cant. There is no need to. War is War and i have a 90% wartime mission and a 10% peacetime misson. I dont want it to go into my personel file for one and for two i dont need a guy/girl telling me the textbook answers to my problems. They dont know. They werent there. I mean there is no solution if you will to seeing a woman getting stoned to death because she didnt clean the house. It doesnt matter how much "therapy" happens...it wont go away. It wont go away that with me behind a .50 cal, a grown man decided to point a rgp in the air towards me..i fired and the bullets went through him and took a young kids life. Therapy doesnt do anything for that. What about the time that i have spent over there. Thereapy cant bring that back. I respect and admire you guys for telling me about therapy but i just dont think it will help...maybe i will try one session off base and see but i doubt it will help.
Lastly...as far as the couple who thought that i should kiss my dads ass because he brought me into this world... it aint gonna happen. As some people on here know i stand up for what i believe in, and neglecting your kids for money and women is not right and i wont accept that as being correct because i was brought into this world due to an act of sex sorry.
Well i gotta run..nite
Also people have told me that i should go and talk to the military shrinks if i feel i need to. I cant. There is no need to. War is War and i have a 90% wartime mission and a 10% peacetime misson. I dont want it to go into my personel file for one and for two i dont need a guy/girl telling me the textbook answers to my problems. They dont know. They werent there. I mean there is no solution if you will to seeing a woman getting stoned to death because she didnt clean the house. It doesnt matter how much "therapy" happens...it wont go away. It wont go away that with me behind a .50 cal, a grown man decided to point a rgp in the air towards me..i fired and the bullets went through him and took a young kids life. Therapy doesnt do anything for that. What about the time that i have spent over there. Thereapy cant bring that back. I respect and admire you guys for telling me about therapy but i just dont think it will help...maybe i will try one session off base and see but i doubt it will help.
Lastly...as far as the couple who thought that i should kiss my dads ass because he brought me into this world... it aint gonna happen. As some people on here know i stand up for what i believe in, and neglecting your kids for money and women is not right and i wont accept that as being correct because i was brought into this world due to an act of sex sorry.
Well i gotta run..nite
posted by ME at 6:35 AM
5 Comments:
Thank you for your service and I thank you for your desire to continue to serve. Our freedom IS costly and I am thankful that there are men and women who desire to lay their lives on the line for all of us at home. We are deeply indebted you.
You make me proud to be an Air Force wife. You are genuine and true to yourself and all that you do. Your integrity is something to be admired.
My husband has said the same things about going to the base shrinks. It might help to talk to someone foo base tho, if you have the inclination.
I think you were dead on target in regard to your dad. He sounds very self-centered and into ho wthings make him look. You don't need that. You are good to even see him, IMO.
There is nothing I can say besides THANK YOU! For what you do. It is amazing and admirable and just down right humbling.
As far as the shrink.. you do what you feel you need to do. Maybe the can offer some positive advice on coping skills. I dunno.. just do not go because you feel pressured.
And lastly.. A man who does not involve himself in his childs life (for yrs on end) does not deserve the HONOR of spending quality time with them when they see fit.
Truly amazing and a glimpse into what it takes to be a military person. I don't have it, but I'm grateful that you do.
Your right about the shrinky dink. They do help you and yet, there isn't anything that will make it go away, it just really gives you the tools to deal with what you've experienced. It's good to know it's there, but if you don't feel it's right for you, than it probably won't be.
I like that you stand up for what you believe in and that you aren't defensive about your believes regarding war. You've already defended enough dontcha think??
I like that you make no apologies for who you are and what you do. That in itself is very good. Add in the fact that you seem to be very good at what you do and trhat you have come back to the states alive...well, what can I say?
I've wondered since you are back in the states, do you 'itch' to be back there instead of hearing about it over here? hugs~m
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