Well i can say that the response to the emails from my last post were..well they were good and bad. I can however say that i am not a bad person. I am very outspoken. I try to understand everyones feelings. I am not rude or anything... I just feel that everyone has an opnion and people should respect it as long as it doesnt disrespect them.... I tell people all the time that i speak from my heart...some people may like it and some people may hate it... I dont write to make other people happy or mad. I write so that i may look back on this one day when im old and sitting in rocking chair showing this to my grandkids. I am sorry if any of you were offended by any of my posts and even to the person who said that even though im home, im still too vivid and graphic. I didnt mean to do anything. This is the life that i live. I am not perfect. I accept you guys criticism. It makes me stronger. It makes me able to go out and live life and so better each and every day. There was a guy and his wife that were aggravated or pissed off because i said that i was proud of myself because i wasnt like i was years ago. Well i am. When i was 15 years old, i was thinking that i was invisible. I thoguht that death couldnt happen to me. I have lived and learned and in the words of a good friend, i have learned to pick and choose my battles.
I owe the bloggers and the rest of my friends and family alot. You guys helped me come home from iraq and if i had to do it again i would, but not without "smurf" the guy who reads my blog and sends the joke of the day and the latina lady who likes curry, or erin and her kids and suz, and holli and nathan being the human-dog that he is, or mamma with her cute kids and hurricanes, or holli and her beer stories, or wegrit and her sports and beer, or AliAliALi..hell the list goes on... All that i can say is before you get mad or read on impluse...reread and try to understand where im coming from :D
As for the things that have hapened to me today..well they were intresting. I got up this morning to CAP banging on the door saying that i needed t o turn on the news. SO i got up scratching and yawning and i let him in. HE grabbed the remote and he said a helo went down in ramadi! I immediatly woke up. This is big news... The helo that went down CAP knew those guys but not well. This was the first time that i actually saw CAP cry. CAP is alot like me. He doesnt cry unless it is at a funeral of someone really close or something drastic prior to a funeral going on. Reality set in at that point. I was like how do i console this guy who has aligator tears coming down his cheeks. I am just there..in my scooby doo boxers wrapped in a comforter in utter confusion. Not confused about the helo going down, but confused about the guy known as CAP.. the best dancer in all of the world crying. He didnt even cry when his wife was naked on webcam as he walked in the house unannounced. He didnt cry when others things moved him, but he cried now. I musterd up the guts to say im sorry man.... Man we did all we can do. Ya know alot of people dont know this, but i went through the first ever depression when i was in flight back home. Holli asked me if the military provided us with counseling or anything. Well its available, but i didnt go. I just dealt with it on my own. As i sit back and think about it, we prolly would have been there, but there was nothing that could have been done. Hell we obviously came back in one piece for a reason. I tried to tell CAP that, but i think that his wife and kids and unknown career path is really getting to him..Hell i cant even watch the news. When i log on to yahoo they have AP news streaming and it always has some news about a solider who has died or been severely injured in iraq. I didnt know that the media actually kept up so closeley with the number of deaths in iraq. I saw the video tonite about the helo going down and i saw the wreckage. Now why would someone do that in a time of war. Show footage of a crashed attack helo when there are many many families out there that have family members who fly in this type of helo. Alot of families got scares, but someone got the reality today. Someone got two marine officers knocking on there door telling them that there loved ones were dead. Ya know i actually had a dream while in iraq that we were shot down. My dream was so real. I could actually remmeber the helo falling. CAp and the Co pilolt screaming commands and then the impact! Ironically i survived the impact...all the crew were dead and well.. i died a violent death. That was a wakeup call. Today was a bad day for ppl who fly...whethere they are in the cockpit or abroad...
Also i got wind that Tony Romas a reaturant was closing down here in the area. I got with the manager and he gave me gobs and gobs of steak, shrimp, tony roma sauce and may other things. If you guys want some sauce..please let me know. I will try to fed ex you some sauce. I have too much to to store. All of the proceeds went to the organization that i work for as my second job...if you want some of that or some of the sauce or potato soup stuff let me know i wil ship it on dry ice...
well im off too work..see ya laters
I owe the bloggers and the rest of my friends and family alot. You guys helped me come home from iraq and if i had to do it again i would, but not without "smurf" the guy who reads my blog and sends the joke of the day and the latina lady who likes curry, or erin and her kids and suz, and holli and nathan being the human-dog that he is, or mamma with her cute kids and hurricanes, or holli and her beer stories, or wegrit and her sports and beer, or AliAliALi..hell the list goes on... All that i can say is before you get mad or read on impluse...reread and try to understand where im coming from :D
As for the things that have hapened to me today..well they were intresting. I got up this morning to CAP banging on the door saying that i needed t o turn on the news. SO i got up scratching and yawning and i let him in. HE grabbed the remote and he said a helo went down in ramadi! I immediatly woke up. This is big news... The helo that went down CAP knew those guys but not well. This was the first time that i actually saw CAP cry. CAP is alot like me. He doesnt cry unless it is at a funeral of someone really close or something drastic prior to a funeral going on. Reality set in at that point. I was like how do i console this guy who has aligator tears coming down his cheeks. I am just there..in my scooby doo boxers wrapped in a comforter in utter confusion. Not confused about the helo going down, but confused about the guy known as CAP.. the best dancer in all of the world crying. He didnt even cry when his wife was naked on webcam as he walked in the house unannounced. He didnt cry when others things moved him, but he cried now. I musterd up the guts to say im sorry man.... Man we did all we can do. Ya know alot of people dont know this, but i went through the first ever depression when i was in flight back home. Holli asked me if the military provided us with counseling or anything. Well its available, but i didnt go. I just dealt with it on my own. As i sit back and think about it, we prolly would have been there, but there was nothing that could have been done. Hell we obviously came back in one piece for a reason. I tried to tell CAP that, but i think that his wife and kids and unknown career path is really getting to him..Hell i cant even watch the news. When i log on to yahoo they have AP news streaming and it always has some news about a solider who has died or been severely injured in iraq. I didnt know that the media actually kept up so closeley with the number of deaths in iraq. I saw the video tonite about the helo going down and i saw the wreckage. Now why would someone do that in a time of war. Show footage of a crashed attack helo when there are many many families out there that have family members who fly in this type of helo. Alot of families got scares, but someone got the reality today. Someone got two marine officers knocking on there door telling them that there loved ones were dead. Ya know i actually had a dream while in iraq that we were shot down. My dream was so real. I could actually remmeber the helo falling. CAp and the Co pilolt screaming commands and then the impact! Ironically i survived the impact...all the crew were dead and well.. i died a violent death. That was a wakeup call. Today was a bad day for ppl who fly...whethere they are in the cockpit or abroad...
Also i got wind that Tony Romas a reaturant was closing down here in the area. I got with the manager and he gave me gobs and gobs of steak, shrimp, tony roma sauce and may other things. If you guys want some sauce..please let me know. I will try to fed ex you some sauce. I have too much to to store. All of the proceeds went to the organization that i work for as my second job...if you want some of that or some of the sauce or potato soup stuff let me know i wil ship it on dry ice...
well im off too work..see ya laters
posted by ME at 5:06 AM
3 Comments:
I love Tony Roma, haven't had it in years (there aren't any on the East coast) but those ribs....yummy!
I can't imagine being able to handle all that you saw and had to do as part of your orders without any counseling. Knowing that it's available is good though and you should use it if you really start getting down. There's nothing wrong with seeking help, especially when all that you've gone through.
I'm just glad that the downed helo didn't have you or CAP or any of your fly buddies although I know that it's a very sad day for the families that did lose their loved ones. Everyday that we're in that country, there will be knocks on people's doors, bringing such sad news. I just wish it would stop.
I'm amazed that people have the nerve to tell you that they think you're too outspoken or that what you write is too graphic. If they don't like it, it's easy to close the window and go on to something else. Life is graphic. Life can make other people uncomfortable and life is what it is. I think you write what you want to write for YOU -- it's a great form of therapy and anything that gets it out of your head is a good thing.
Don't stop writing from the heart. Whoever doesn't like it has the choice of whether or not to read it, and therefore they should keep their negative comments to themselves.
First if all...scooby doo boxers?! ROFL
Seriously now. Don't you DARE change you blog or your outspoken-ness for anyone. If someone comes across your writings and they don't like it, shut the damn page. If they go back a 2nd time, they just wanna complain about something, doesn't matter who.
And as for whoever the hell you are that is picking on Hawk, just shut up b/c he's done a hell of a lot for all of us (and no, no one is perfect...) and he doesn't need your pettiness! Do you comment to the media on their graphic descriptions and half truths?? You don't have to agree w/anyone else's opinion but WHY go thru the trouble of bothering him or anyone else? *I* have a problem with anyone who is immature enough to whine about it. Close the blog and don't open it again!
Be true to yourself. And if they are driving you nuts w/replies and craziness, just ignore them. U don't need any more drama and they aren't worth it.
Give CAP and his kids hugs from me and you too. ~m
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